This book was amazing. It may be my favorite so far. And I know I say that every time. But Phantom Limb by Lucinda Berry was really gripping in a completely psychological way. It’s very similar to the other book I read by her called Saving Noah. It plays with your emotions 100% of the time.
The story opens with Elizabeth and Emily. Twins who had experienced terrible mental, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of their mother and her special friends when they were young. Malnourished and in need of great care, they were adopted by the Rooths, a loving family who gave the twins everything they needed.
Their lives had been rough, to say the least, and you get glimpses of what they went through as the book goes on. Small snippets of their lives that formed who they are today. Elizabeth is strong and the caregiver to Emily. She even has a job, is doing well in school, and has a great boyfriend. Emily, however, is so troubled that her moods swing wildly, and the cutting will sometimes go too deep. So deep, that one night, after a fight with Elizabeth, she takes her own life. Elizabeth finds her crumpled on the bathroom floor and her world ends.
Elizabeth wakes up in the hospital with her boyfriend Thomas and her parents Bob and Dahlila. So much worry on their faces. All Elizabeth wants to do is be with Emily. And when she finds out they buried her without her being there, she can’t seem to make herself go on.
She’s transferred to the psychiatric ward of the hospital, where she meets characters with all sorts of problems. Rose, who has anorexia, soon becomes her friend and confidant. As she’s navigating this new world, she returns to memories of her childhood. But when her new doctor tells her that Emily has been dead for 2 years and she was in fact at the funeral, she can’t bear it. Who has she been talking to for the past 2 years? Who had she been caring for?
It’s amazing to learn about Elizabeth’s past and what truly happened to her. It takes so much for her to open up, to reconcile the fact that she’s been playing the part of both her and her sister Emily for the past 2 years, because that made the loss and grief easier. And to learn about disorders like this was educational.
The more we learn about Elizabeth’s state of mind, the more we realize how messed up both their upbringings were. Their fear of their real Mother was insane and caused them to hold so much in, especially Elizabeth. They only had each other, which is why Elizabeth kept Emily alive, so to speak.
But the real kicker hit me like a ton of bricks. Elizabeth’s old therapist, Lisa, took her to Emily’s grave. Elizabeth not only remembered the accident, but a truth so insane, she must be crazy. Emily didn’t die in their apartment bathroom. She died in a car accident while Elizabeth was driving. Two years ago. She remembers it all so clearly now. She also remembers that she’s not Elizabeth, the strong one. She’s, in fact, Emily. And she won’t tell anyone that secret.
This book captivated me because of the state of mind Elizabeth/Emily was in. From the stories of abuse she suffered, her ability to ‘leave her body’ to protect her psyche, to the emotional rollercoaster she went on while in the hospital, was a beautiful tragedy. It’s really amazing what the mind does to protect itself, and we saw that on full display with her. And I truly loved the fact that she had taken on Elizabeth’s persona when she died. She became the strong one, the one who moved on with her life, while also keeping the part of Emily alive that was the needy, depressed sister. It all made perfect sense to me. I realize I need to read more books by this author. She really is a great writer.