If You Tell by Gregg Olsen is a survivor’s story of absolute evil. And if you’re squeamish, don’t pick this one up! I’m serious. There were parts that were really hard to read, especially knowing this is a true story.
After more than a decade, when sisters Nikki, Sami, and Tori Knotek hear the word mom, it claws like an eagle’s talons, triggering memories that have been their secret since childhood. Until now.
For years, behind the closed doors of their farmhouse in Raymond, Washington, their sadistic mother, Shelly, subjected her girls to unimaginable abuse, degradation, torture, and psychic terrors. Through it all, Nikki, Sami, and Tori developed a defiant bond that made them far less vulnerable than Shelly imagined. Even as others were drawn into their mother’s dark and perverse web, the sisters found the strength and courage to escape an escalating nightmare that culminated in multiple murders.
I’m not really sure how to put this book into words.
Some days, If You Tell was incredibly hard to read. The abuse was so horrible that I kept thinking about those three girls and wondering how they possibly survived growing up in that house. As a mom, I think that made parts of this book especially difficult for me. Home and your parents are supposed to be the places and people that make you feel safe. For Nikki, Sami, and Tori, it was the complete opposite.
And then there was Dave.
I had such conflicting feelings about him throughout the book. There were moments when I felt sorry for him because Shelly manipulated and controlled him too. But then I would get SO angry.
Especially when it came to Shane.
Dave seemed to believe that Shelly would never really hurt her own children, even after everything that happened. And I just kept thinking, WHAT??? How could you possibly still believe that? She manipulated you into helping kill Shane. How could you see everything happening around you and still believe your own children were somehow safe?
I just don’t get it.
Maybe that’s part of what makes this story so disturbing. Shelly’s control over the people around her was so complete that even when things became horrific, they stayed. They listened to her. They did things that are almost impossible to understand from the outside.
And yet, somehow, Nikki, Sami, and Tori survived her.
That was the part of the story I kept coming back to. These girls endured things no child should ever experience, but they had each other. Their bond and their determination to survive were probably the only hopeful parts of an otherwise incredibly dark story.
Would I Recommend If You Tell?
Yes, but with a BIG warning.
If You Tell is a really good true crime book, but it is also absolutely horrible. Not horrible because it is badly written, but horrible because of what actually happened.
There were so many times when I didn’t want to keep reading. I wanted to put the book down because I couldn’t take another story about what Shelly had done.
But at the same time, I felt compelled to keep going.
I needed to know what happened to Nikki, Sami, and Tori. I needed to know if they got away. And because If You Tell is based on a true story, it was even harder to put down. I had never heard of the Knotek family or this case before reading the book, which made everything even more shocking.
This is definitely not a light read. If stories involving child abuse and torture are difficult for you, I would probably skip this one.
But if you read true crime and can handle an incredibly dark story, If You Tell is one that will stick with you long after you finish it.
It definitely stuck with me.