Tonight, I locked the front door.
That probably doesn’t sound significant.
But all summer, no matter how late it got, if Devin wasn’t home yet, I left it unlocked for him.
He worked a lot this summer. He stayed with friends. He went out and did things. There were plenty of nights when he wasn’t here.
But he always came home.
Tonight, he’s not coming home.
Today, we moved Devin into college.
And I don’t think I’ve quite figured out how I feel about that yet.
How Did We Get Here?
Last night felt surreal.
We’ve been inching toward this day for so long. Senior year. Graduation. College visits. Soccer. Paperwork. Dorm shopping. Packing.
We knew it was coming.
And then suddenly it wasn’t something that was coming anymore.
It was today.
This morning was a whirlwind.
There was stuff everywhere. We were stuffing things into cars, trying to remember everything and probably forgetting something anyway.
Yaya had her car. Devin had the Venza with Brooklyn riding with him. Mike, Braden, Austin and I piled into the 4Runner.
Packing did at least give us an excuse to go through Devin’s clothes and get rid of things he doesn’t wear anymore.
Did we forget something?
Probably.
Thankfully, he has his own money and Walmart is right down the street. 😂
Everybody got put to work.
The Drive to OKWU
The drive was actually good.
We talked about all sorts of things while the kids in the back fell asleep almost immediately.
Every once in a while, I found myself wondering what Devin and Brooklyn were talking about in the Venza.
What do you talk about when you’re driving toward the beginning of an entirely new chapter of your life?
Maybe they weren’t thinking about it that deeply at all.
Maybe that’s just a mom thing.
When we arrived at OKWU, it was HOT and a little crazy, but I was immediately impressed.
Student Leaders unloaded our cars and had Devin’s stuff up to his room almost before we knew what was happening. Everyone we met was incredibly kind and welcoming.
And then we saw his room.
It’s tiny.
Like, really tiny.
Moved in and apparently already making himself at home.
We met his roommate and his family, and I immediately felt better.
I really think Devin is going to love it here.
Move-in day at OKWU.
From Little Kid Soccer to College Soccer
This is the part that gets me.
Soccer started because Devin’s friend Grayson was going to play.
That was it.
They were four years old, and we were living in Arkansas.
We had no idea what we were starting.
Today, I kept thinking about that little four-year-old boy.
Then I thought about his first teams after we moved to Oklahoma. I can still remember pieces of those games.
Devin playing soccer in 2014. So many fields, games and miles ago.
Then came the True Potential years.
Mike coached. We had such a great team. Great kids and somehow even better parents. Those years gave us friendships and memories that went far beyond soccer.
Then came Crew.
Competitive soccer.
Tournaments.
Driving all over God’s green Earth.
Hotel rooms. Long weekends. Practices. Wins. Losses. Good games. Bad games. Injuries. Frustration. Excitement.
Then high school soccer brought another group of teammates, coaches, and memories.
And now?
College soccer.
This article has estimated that only about 7% of high school athletes go on to play a varsity sport in college.
And Devin is one of them.
That’s incredible to me.
We drove him everywhere. We paid the fees. We sat on the sidelines. Mike coached. We traveled. We cheered. We did all of the things soccer parents do.
But Devin did this.
He put in the work.
He kept playing.
He kept pushing himself.
He earned the opportunity to continue playing the sport he loves in college.
That little four-year-old who started playing because his friend was playing is a college soccer player now.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say that without getting a little emotional.
Why OKWU Feels Right
Devin looked at a few schools and attended a few camps, but I think he knew pretty quickly that OKWU was where he wanted to be.
And I understand why.
It’s small. It feels like a place where he can find his people without getting lost in the crowd.
But I also think a huge part of it was soccer.
He really liked Coach Peterson.
And I don’t think Coach Peterson is going to make things easy on him.
Honestly, that’s one of the things I like about it.
He’s going to expect a lot from Devin. He’s going to push him. He’s going to expect him to give everything he has.
And I think Devin is going to thrive on that.
I think he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.
Starting a brand new chapter at OKWU.
The Chaos Before Goodbye
There wasn’t really a big dramatic moment where we all stood around staring at each other knowing it was time to say goodbye.
There wasn’t time for that.
We were in complete chaos trying to make that tiny dorm room functional.
We even had to make a Walmart run for more bins.
Meanwhile, I kept looking at the clock because freshman orientation started at 1:30.
Eventually, though, there wasn’t anything else we could do.
We took some pictures.
We hugged him.
We told him how proud we were.
And then we gave him a little privacy to say goodbye to Brooklyn.
Braden started walking toward the car ahead of us.
He was upset.
I know this is going to be hard on him.
I don’t think Austin completely understands the magnitude of Devin leaving yet. Devin has been gone so much this summer between work, friends and everything else that, to Austin, maybe this doesn’t feel all that different yet.
It will.
I hope that with Devin away, Braden and Austin grow even closer.
They’re going to have to figure out a new normal too.
We all are.
Proud and Sad Can Exist at the Same Time
Mike was upset too.
Later, while we were eating lunch at Bricktown Brewery with Yaya, he sent Devin a text. He told him how proud he was of him and reminded him to enjoy this experience because it will go by faster than he realizes. He encouraged him to work hard, challenge himself, make lifelong friends, and take advantage of everything this next chapter has to offer.
But the part that really got me was the reminder that no matter how old Devin gets or where life takes him, he’ll always be our little boy.
That pretty much sums up what both of us were feeling.
We’re sad.
But it’s not a bad sad.
It’s the kind of sad that comes when something really, really good is happening, but getting there means saying goodbye to something else.
We’re saying goodbye to having all three boys under our roof every night.
We’re saying goodbye to the version of our family where Devin is just down the hall.
We’re saying goodbye to waiting for the Venza to pull into the driveway.
And we’re saying hello to something we’ve spent 18 years preparing him for.
Independence.
College.
Soccer.
New friends.
New responsibilities.
A life that belongs to him.
How could I possibly be sad about that?
And how could I possibly not be?
The Ride Home
After lunch, the five of us piled into the 4Runner.
Mike, me, Braden, Brooklyn, and Austin.
And we headed home without Devin.
I’m really glad Brooklyn was with us.
She distracted us from some of the sadness, but we also got to talk with her and learn even more about her.
She really is the sweetest, and we love her to death.
Then we got home.
And life just…kept going.
Because that’s what it does.
We still have two kids here who need us. There are places to go, things to do, schedules to keep, and probably someone asking what’s for dinner.
But things are different.
Devin’s room feels different.
The driveway looks different.
I can’t tell you how many times this summer I had to move his Venza because I needed to take Austin or Braden somewhere.
Now it’s not there.
And tonight, when it got late, I didn’t leave the door unlocked waiting for him to come home.
I locked it.
That one hurt a little.
To Devin
If you ever come back and read this someday, I hope you know how unbelievably proud we are of you.
Not just because you’re playing college soccer.
Not just because of what you’ve accomplished in school.
Not because you’re part of a small percentage of high school athletes who get the opportunity to continue playing their sport in college.
We’re proud of the person you have become.
You did this.
We helped where we could. We drove you all over God’s green Earth. We cheered. We coached. We paid. We worried. We encouraged.
But you put in the work.
You earned this next chapter.
We’re going to miss you more than you probably realize.
We’re going to miss the Venza in the driveway.
Your brothers are going to miss you.
We’re going to miss knowing you’ll eventually walk through that front door, even if it’s way later than we’d prefer.
And part of me will always miss that little boy who started playing soccer because his friend Grayson was playing.
But I am so incredibly proud of the man that little boy became.
So go.
Work hard.
Play soccer.
Study.
Make friends.
Stay up too late sometimes.
Learn things the hard way.
Call your mother.
Come home occasionally.
See your girlfriend.
And enjoy this.
The world is yours now.
We’ll be right here cheering you on, just like we always have been.
Only now we’ll have to drive a little farther to do it.
We love you, Devin.
And we could not be prouder.